Friday, May 08, 2009

what do you think?

O.k. here's the question...
If you have "friends" who you thought weren't talking about you behind your back and it turns out they are...do you still keep them?  (I'm talking about slanderous petty little statements from out of nowhere...that kind of talk...and you know they are because one of the party (who's probably the more negative) told you they were.) And I mean keep them by talking to them, hanging out with them, etc...or do you quietly excuse yourself and have other things to do?

Are we suppose to turn the other cheek in cases like these are do we use discernment and follow Psalms 1 and not walk "in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, no sitteth in the seat of the scornful."
What parts of a persons character do we overlook when considering if a person is a friend or not?

Just a question to throw out...so what do you think?

11 comments:

Everybody's Mama said...

For me personally, I have found it best to keep the best, KWIM? I don't have to go back and tell anyone off or that sort of thing.It's not that you have to cut them out of your life (most of the time). But the negativity tends to drag me down and I don't want to spend my time running after approval. You know the scripture about dwelling on whatever is pure and lovely? Well, cluttering up my life with poisonous relationships is the opposite of that. So sometimes it is best to move people to a more "acquaintance" level status rather than casting your pearls before the swine. Given time, people tend to show what they are made of and if snippy, hurtful talk is it I just find it better to move on. Oh, and if this person is a sister in Christ, the Bible is very clear on whether you should continue to fellowship with them if this is a pattern of behavior. See Proverbs 20:19 and Proverbs 22:10 Sorry for the 'book' Blessings!!

Alicia said...

If that were me, I'd still love them because that's what the Lord would want me to do, HOWEVER, I would love them from a distance....

Lorrie said...

Good point Alica and Everybody's Mama too. When you said Proverbs 20:19...I knew exactly what you meant. I guess it's time to move from "friend" to "acquaintance" status.

Love Abounds At Home said...

All I need is a picture and a name. I'll take care of the rest. LOL!

On a serious note, it's hurtful! I know firsthand because our family is in that exact situation right now. I can't go into details because we are still in the midst of it. The people who are doing the talking are telling on each other. Which is so funny.
We have decided as a family that we are going to killem' with kindness. When ever we see these people we smile and say hello, etc. We don't fellowship with them anymore because "we're busy maybe some other time."
We are setting an example for our kids. The hardest thing is not telling other people about our offense. That's why I loved reading about your taming the tongue. My flesh just wants to go around telling everybody what these people are saying.

You can continue to love people....even from a distance ;)

Bethany said...

I think I'd have as much trouble with the party who informed you as the one who did the slandering. I had a situation when I was teaching where my principal said something about me that my "friend" then felt obligated to TELL me that the principal said about me. I was actually more angry with the informer than the principal who was entitled to her opinion though she should have kept it to herself.

I also recommended that you distance yourself for a time, but don't write these people off completely. Let your anger cool, and examine if you have ever done the same thing. I think we all have at some point.

mimi said...

This is a tough subject, I understand why you are not sure what to do. When I find a friend has talked badly about me behind my back....I slowly walk away from the friendship. If she was a super close friend I would ask her right away or tell her what you heard.

How about family?? My MIL talks behind my back, how do I handle that one? Personally, I hold it in and get a tummy ache...and talk to myself about her!! I'm trying to start praying for her instead, that can be tough.

Ultimately, the Lord will fight our battles for us. I sort of feel-what goes around, comes around??Maybe.

A Stone Gatherer said...

One thing I think we all need to learn to do is go to the person directly. Do you 100% know if they are talking about you? Alot of friendships end over unspoken hurts. Take a chance, speak to them about it.

SILVIA said...

yes i would definately ask, hey i heard you are talking about me whats up???, lets get to the bottom of this,lol..
and they for sure will be out of my list of friends....
oh lorrie i love coming over to visit...have a very happy mothers day my friend and thanks for the suggestions about my basement...xx

silvia..

Erin said...

Like Stone Gatherer, I think I would gather my courage and politely ask the supposed gossip about the situation. Unless, I really felt I understood what was going on after that conversation, my friendship would be demoted to acquaintanceship. Like you all said, however, I've been struggling to set an example for my children by not speaking badly of people who disappointment. I don't lie, but I don't add emotion when the kids ask me something. This is this and that is that...no name calling, ever. Easier said, than done, I know...but I'm working on it.

licia31 said...

I've moved a lot of people from "friend" status to "acquaintance" status in the past few years. Maya Angelou said it best, "When someone shows you their true selves, believe them the first time". This is such a true statement.

Forgive them & love them from a distance.

Anita C. McCants said...

Lorrie,
Your friend (that freely comes to
you with bad talk about you) is not
behaving like a friend. And the
reason the others are so
comfortable talking about you to
her could be (1)she is talking
about you too, (2) she is in
agreement with what is being said
about you by not showing
disapproval; because If she did,
they would stop in fear of it
getting back to you. Unless of
course that is their goal.

It is a shame that they are using
their time and energy snickering
about you, when they should
practice doing things that could
make a positive difference in
their lives or in the lives of
others.

If you should decide to ask the
informer why are the others so
comfortable talking about you to
her (and point out the two
obvious reasons), don't be
surprised if she continues
relaying their malicious
comments.

I'm going to post a blog about
snickering. Feel free to share
it. Maybe it will help others who
are going through the same thing.
Maybe it will help snickering
people do more than merely exist.